That Beautiful Thing

As I sit here and try to come up with the words to dictate my flood of emotions, the only thing that remains clear is a vivid picture of something. For the sake of challenging creativity, I'm not going to tell you what that "something" is. Just picture something beautiful; something so glorious that it makes you sweat with anticipation of seeing and touching it in real life. Something that brings you an ounce of comfort in your times of greatest agony. Picture it. And know that it comes from something much greater than we can create.

Friends, I let some pretty hearty lies get to me today. I've often gotten made fun of for my sometimes "overwhelming positive attitude." But not today. No, today I let myself sink. I wallowed and I cried. I was believing lies of not being good enough, not having the right motivation, not respected, not worthy, not capable, not clean. I walk in the light with these things because I believe that we all struggle with overcoming these lies, and because I want to take the chance to love you by letting you into my life. A few conversations with some people that I love snapped me back into truth, and that's what I want to write about. I want to write about the Godly love that was shown to me through these conversations. I was inspired to picture my "beautiful thing" during these conversations, and it stays with me even after the conversations are long over. It is a stunning view, friends, and one that I cannot compare to much else that I have seen in my lifetime. The truth that love speaks is a sacred heartbeat in this worldly place, and I feel it in my chest. And I write because I want it for you as well, but you must open your heart. You must be vulnerable. You must be willing to ask yourself the hard questions that make your stomach wrench, and then actually be willing to answer them.

There is life in places where we only let ourselves see death. My advice is this: do not put God in a box, and let Him see you- especially in the places of your heart that you want to hide the most.

Search me, O God, and know my heart

Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me

and lead me in the way everlasting!

[Psalm 139:23-24]